I really like how the repetition changes as Melody changes. At the beginning, “Melody was a good kid” comes with innocence: the smiling, the curtseying, the please and thank you. But each time she crosses another boundary, that line gets smaller. Something is being chipped away. By the end, she is still smiling, but it means something completely different now.
The kindness has hollowed and that final “Was” lands so well because we have watched the loss happen one small choice at a time. Excellent piece. ~ Nerra
Thank you so much. It really was that one word, was, that guided this. The way it means the same thing, but it doesn’t mean the same thing. I’m so glad you enjoyed it!
The refrain stays the same while the world around it quietly changes, until eventually the refrain no longer fits. That's a difficult effect to pull off without announcing it.
I bet! I am not sure I could cut myself down to exactly 500 words. The last time I had to count myself like that, I was looking for a paper bag to breathe into while doing my homework, freshman year of high school.
I was good once, too.
It happens. Bit by bit.
Although the cat in my lap right now said that maybe you’re not so bad.
I really like how the repetition changes as Melody changes. At the beginning, “Melody was a good kid” comes with innocence: the smiling, the curtseying, the please and thank you. But each time she crosses another boundary, that line gets smaller. Something is being chipped away. By the end, she is still smiling, but it means something completely different now.
The kindness has hollowed and that final “Was” lands so well because we have watched the loss happen one small choice at a time. Excellent piece. ~ Nerra
Thank you so much. It really was that one word, was, that guided this. The way it means the same thing, but it doesn’t mean the same thing. I’m so glad you enjoyed it!
The refrain stays the same while the world around it quietly changes, until eventually the refrain no longer fits. That's a difficult effect to pull off without announcing it.
Really admired the restraint here.
Oh wow. Thank you so much.
What some years and a little experience will do to a person. 😏
True. With more than five hundred words I really could have played with this idea a lot more. Hmmm?
Wow! How we all are tempted to grow up too fast and abandon our innocence.
Thanks! I think I could have done better with just a few more words, but I had to cram it all into just 500.
Oooooof. The erosion.
I walked away from this feeling a little bit responsible, you know? Like, a little bit of awareness in how I move through the world.
Loved it!
Yep. It’s the little things that chip away. Thank you!
Well executed. Doesn't matter if you see the train a mile away, when it's done right.
Thank you so much!
This was an awesome piece! Insightful and beautifully written! 🖤
Thank you so much! I’m so glad you liked it!
I love the progression. Thank you Mr Words.
Thank you so much!
Intriguing writing approach/style, slowly eroding her goodness with gray areas of influence.
And thanks for reading!
I had a little fun with this one. Keeping it to just 500 words was the challenge.
I bet! I am not sure I could cut myself down to exactly 500 words. The last time I had to count myself like that, I was looking for a paper bag to breathe into while doing my homework, freshman year of high school.
Witty sharp strong. Truthful
This is masterful.
Bravo !
Oh wow. Thank you so much!